Colleen

Future decisions make or break relationship

Mar 26 • Opinion • 394

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Sometimes it’s hard to find myself. I am literally right there inside this physical mass that takes up space on earth – good space obviously.

Have you ever found yourself at a crossroad? If yes, than we are on the same page.

I feel as if I’ve made a name for myself here at Gannon, but now what?

One of my favorite movies, “Big Fish,” has a quote that has always stuck with me: “You were a big fish in a small pond.”

That is how I feel now. I always thought a small school was good for me, but at times I feel claustrophobic. I’m the type of person who gets bored of everything after some time.

I have always dreamed of being that same fish. But in an ocean, but I’ve always been afraid of drowning.

Erie is a wonderful city and reminds me much of my hometown – Euclid, Ohio – and both have offered me remarkable opportunities, but now that I’ve taken advantage of those, what’s next? I’m thinking a bigger city or just somewhere new.

The question I am encountering right now is, “What is my purpose in life right now?” Once I figure out exactly what that is, the next thing is, am I fulfilling that purpose?

The thing that is frustrating right now is I don’t know the answer to either of those questions. This means it’s time to re-evaluate what is going on in my life – not the easiest task to undertake.

Who do you go to when you need reassurance? Many seek faith or run to a mentor, but for my crossroad, I am going to myself.

Seeking reassurance from myself makes me understand who I am better. Ultimately, no other person is reflecting my decisions except myself.

The answer I’m looking for is not something that another person can tell me, nor God – although I have gone to both.

Adult decisions are hard to take on as a young adult because at the tender age of 21, I’m barely an adult, yet not a teenager anymore. I am the key to my own success and I know my strengths and weaknesses.

Sometimes I bite off more than I can chew, but I still get by.

I feel that deep down, I know the answers to my crossroads, but just being at a halt gives me two types of emotions – relief and anxiety.

I am relieved that I have made it to that point in my life, yet anxious that I don’t know where to go from here. Although I almost always know what I want – with the execption of right now – my heart and soul take some time to get on the same page.

Neither the situation, nor the details, is what matters in the column; it is the answer that matters.

I’m just hoping that one day – hopefully soon – I will have an epiphany and my answer will be clear.

 

COLLEEN LANGHAM

langham001@knights.gannon.edu

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