Dear Sadie: Sept. 29, 2010

Dear Sadie,

I met this guy in a class I’m taking, and we’ve been talking a lot. It started by just talking about assignments, but now that a few weeks have gone by, we’ve started talking more and more about other things. I really want to talk to him outside of class, but I’m afraid he might just be talking to me to pass the time and doesn’t actually want to hang out outside that setting. Is there a way I can bring it up without being weird about it?

Sincerely,

Stuttering Student

Dear Stutter-er,

Meeting new people is one of the best parts of college – we meet new people every day and every semester here!

Now it sounds like you’ve started to build a solid base with this guy, and if he’s talking to you in the class – the girl in me says way to go, while the writer involved in a university publication says you’re paying attention just a little bit in your class. Anyway, that’s a solid base!

I won’t lie – if you’re getting the vibe from this studious colleague of yours that he’s just passing the time talking, there’s always a chance that could be the case. But that doesn’t mean you can’t casually try. Is there a party coming up that you’ve been invited to this weekend? There’s no harm in throwing out a simple invitation to a group get-together; a previously planned party held in a neutral setting is a fabulous icebreaker.

If you drop a few hints to him and he seems interested in carrying your daytime conversations over into night and weekend time, then you may have opened a door to a friendship outside the classroom. If you can exchange numbers, that’s even better – a few friendly text messages in the afternoon can lead to something even more.

However, I will put out this disclaimer: if you do extend several outside-class invitations to talk, grab a bite or go out and he doesn’t bite, don’t push it. If you start asking why he doesn’t want to see you – or worse, start whining to your friends that he’s not hanging out with you – word travels back and will always bite you.

So take it easy; don’t try too hard, and the worst you can come out of this with is the same intriguing in-class conversationalist you’ve had from the beginning of the year.

Till next time,

Sadie

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